Somatic Intuitive Collage---A Personal Journey of how the lost grief was rediscovered

Today is another beautiful day on Gabriola....After sending daughter to school, I finished my morning yoga, feeling light, joyful and energized. My emotional state was as peaceful and tranquil as the ocean outside of my window......As I approached my art table, no specific issue on mind, I was thinking: I am in a good mood, what is going to appear in my art today? Where should I start today?

There was one questions on my mind which I was always curious about: My grandparents raised me up as a kid--..I lived with them untill I was 19. When my grandpa passed away 12 years ago, I cried for the whole week. But through the years, I never cried again, I never grieve about my loss of him again, I think I should miss him, but I didn't feel missing him...I was always curious: where are my tears? why are my tears suddenly gone? so suddenly, and so totally...... I feel I lost my connection to him totally......(When a grief process suddenly ceased, we suddenly seem fine, as a committed explorer of the unconscious , and as an art practitioner, we should always be curious, and dive into the unknown.....This was what I did today....)

I scanned my body, a subtle dense feeling in the upper left side of the body was detected. With a connection to this dense feeling, I went through magazines, Images caught my eyes very quickly. I felt a small movement in the middle of my chest, which switched on the deep well in my heart, and tears started to well up in my eyes....The emotions started to build up, my hands have mild tremblings....And this set of body-emotional sensations unlocked the gate of memory: memories streamed in-----One year after my mom's death, grandpa had a stroke, when he lost his normal self...I was still in a frozen state to digest my mom's death, I was too overwhelmed to digest my loss of grandpa....and then he passed away after six years.....The memories keep flooded in: in that 19 years of being together, grandpa protected me when little boys tried to bully me, he sent me to school and picked me up with his big bike, he let me crawl onto his body to play with him, he took me to see dentists ,he played cards and games with me, he coached me to exercise my will power, and he listened to my emotions, he always talked with me......He was my DAD psychologically!!!

With my Anchor Card to hold space for me, and with connection to my body sensations, I fully allow my chest to expand and contract, allow tears to flood.....allow that lost memory to embrace me and that unfading love to take me......I could not even have the strength to glue those images together into a collage...shaking, warm current flowing through my whole being.....

I wrote this: Dear grandpa, it is my honor and my biggest luck to be raised by you---the kindest, sweetest, and most loving man.....Your love warms my whole life.

Grandpa, grandma and me, we were all born in the year of Dog, this final piece of picture showed up: a little dog.....Is it Grandpa's spirit gazing at me, or my spirit gazing at him? it doesn't matter...I find him, I re-connect with my grandpa.....

I glued all pics into this collage.....