Embracing Freedom---My Personal Journey with Intuitive Painting(1)

Five years ago, I hopped onto a plane, heading to Esalen---origin of human potential movement in the 20th century in USA.  At that time, I didn't know what that trip meant to me. I just knew I was going to join a workshop called "Painting From the Source"---an intuitive painting workshop. I wanted to paint with total freedom. I wanted to taste freedom. I want freedom......

Before that trip, I was a social worker, and then a blessed wife of an extraordinary man plus a full-time mom of his daughter. I had no art background. I never painted. Or I should say, I never created any art since kindergarten. I remember I made a little sculpture with mud, but my teacher said it was not beautiful at all and should not be displayed. She threw it away.......Plus my dad said: there is no art gene in our family....He sentenced arts out of my blood...

I suddenly joined a Mandala painting workshop in hk one year after daughter was born. I finished the first mandala by following the teacher's instructions precisely. Without his instructions, I didn't want to make any move: I trusted that an external authority, an expert knows more than me and he knows what I should create.  I was a good "follower", I followed instructions, I finished a relatively "good-looking" mandala, but I felt I was working hard, but created nothing: my shoulders felt soar, my hands were working while my mind was filled up with thoughts of daily chores and irrelevant fantasies....I felt exhausted. 

For my second mandala in the same workshop, I "sneaked" away by choosing a "Dancer" template.....I think something "mysterious" made this choice for me: It was more challenging--there were no slots to fill colour in....I still went to the teacher for advice, but eventually he said: you can give it a try by yourself. This simple statement  gave the power back to me. This is significant for me: turning to my own power........(As I create more and more in the following years, I start to know intuitive art practice is for us to totally embrace our personal power: taste it, enjoy it, use it and feel comfortable with it......Facilitating intuitive arts groups is to help people to tap into their unique way of creating from this personal power, which is connected to the Source of all life......)  "You are your own Creator". This is the biggest empowerment.

I was so scared to face this canvas all by myself.....With total freedom I can create anything original. But at that moment, I was so scared!  But I have to admit:  I felt so excited too!!!  No more daily chores in my mind, no more sore shoulders, no more irrelevant fantacies ......I put a few free strokes on the canvas as the dancer's skirt........I remember my body was moving with those a few free strokes....my heart was pounding!  I was ignited!  Yes, that was the taste of FREEDOM........Freedom ignited me....It was so beautiful!  This feeling of BEING ALIVE  is the difference between "working" and "creating".

Although the skirt of that "dancer" was just a small area of the canvas, but it was my original "creation"----following my own inner pulse.

Freedom is addictive; Once you taste it, you want more. Partial freedom cannot satisfy me. I want total freedom....

That's why I hopped onto that plane to join the intuitive painting workshop on the other side of the pacific ocean, leaving my comfort home, diving into the UNKNOWN.......

I had no idea at that time what intuitive painting is. I just knew this time there would be no template.....complete empty white paper and tons of colours waiting for me....

I was so scared, but totally ignited.......