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Embracing Freedom---My Personal Journey with Intuitive Painting(2)
This Black Woman who is twice of my height came to me in the five-day painting workshop I attended in Esalen in California. This was the first time I flew to North America and this was the first time I allowed myself to create with absolute freedom. Below is what I wrote after the workshop:
She is calling, she is speaking, she is crying, she is nurturing, she is thundering..... she is the one who promises to protect, she is the one who steps all fears, pains under her black feet and strong legs; she is the one who pours lights through the heart, she is the one who invites us to a life of lights! She is the one who opens our eyes to see, ears to hear, she is the one who is calling from ancient time....she is in everyone's bones and blood...she is the one who calls us to connect to each other from heart! She is our ancient mother, she arises from black soil, every cell of her blood says: come to LOVE !
This painting came to me and it surprised me. The teacher asked us just to paint like a two-year-old child, she didn't say anything about skills, and how-to... She just held the space very safe, a safe container from where we gave forms to any images that would like to present themselves....no sensoring. Layer by layer, old fears released; layer by layer, new life born....layer by layer, tears spread; layer by layer, lights penetrate through hearts....The paper became a sacred portal, from which we connect to the source..The paper is the church, each stroke is a prayer. The teacher is the priestess who encourages us to surrender, to dive into the process, into the unknown with curiosity, be like a child.......If this teaching is not a teaching of "faith", what can be? Let go, surrender, and trust...I stood in front of the empty paper with fear, and stood in front of the final painting in awe.
The course is called "painting from the source", the teacher Aviva Gold calls herself "art medicine woman"...I find my own tribe. I left my comfortable home and flew more than 10000miles to meet people who truly dare, people who create, not only a painting, but their own "one-of-a-kind"life! Dr. Clarissa pinkola Estes said in her book " woman who run with the wolves": who is the wild woman? She is the source, the light, the night, the dark,the daybreak; she is the one we leave home to look for, and she is the one we come home to! As a woman, I had longed for a home for a long time and fortunately, I was lucky enough to set up a wonderful family with a loving, supportive husband and a lovely, marvelous daughter. But until that day, I stood in front of my Black Woman, surrounded by wise, priestess teacher, and a sincerely creative sangha, I felt an indescribable and mysterious place deep deep in my spirit and soul was satisfied....nothing earthly can be compared to a life living from the Source, living from the soul!
May all my loved ones, friends, and even people I don't know find true rest deep in their soul, and come to this sweetest home! May the work of " safe container" thrive, may I be blessed to provide a safe container for people to create from.......
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What I learnt from my very first intuitive painting workshop:
Stop the efforts to "do good ", "be good"---can you feel your feelings as they are? and paint them as they are?
Be good or be authentic---this is the question.
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This is the turning point for my creativity and for my whole life： be authentic to my inner truth; create from this truth and re-organize my life from this truth. no matter what.
As on the canvas, so in real life. When I started this practice of "being authentic" with intuitive painting after Esalen workshop, I notice co-incidence started to happen in my real life too: old relationships which didn't encourage me to be me, which suppressed my full self-expression just fade away; hidden dangerous forces which can be poisonous to my soul surfaced and I had a chance to correct the injustice and retrieved my long-time lost voices.....Four years after my very first intuitive painting, I said a permanent NO to my always demanding step-mom, broke the ten-year silence and sent my university mentor who harassed me by sending inappropriate messages to public Hearing; Grieved deeply for my husband's death, I immigrated to a North America and reinvented a new home and a new career as a full time artist and creativity coach. Living in a new country with a young kid and starting a new career---with devotion to spread the healing power of intuitive arts, I dived into the greatest unknown. But the beings on my canvas told me: don't worry, we make a way together. I trust them totally. I think my life is my canvas. My life is my ultimate grandest intuitive paitning!
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Feeling all feelings and express them fully. This is for the fullness of the Soul. Mainstream culture teaches us to "fit in", to "cut off" certain parts or traits of us. but Intuitive Art is encouraging us to retrieve all the "cut-off" pieces and put them together: this is the only way for our Soul to be ALIVE. It is the practice of being fully ALIVE. By practicing this, as each individual becomes more and more "whole", we reflect more and more lights of the Source of all lives..........Our life will shine brighter and brighter day by day, becoming a pure reflection of SOURCE......
This is the power of intuitive painting: it is not recreational at all. It is soul-retrieval; it is character-sculpturing. It is "dangerous" to status quo, it is the "boat shaker"........ It is for truth seekers and it is for the daring.......
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